My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
