Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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