I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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