question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need a burrito and a hug.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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