I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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