So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You're like the curious george of whores
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
