Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
