Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
