Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize