my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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