I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
