I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
