That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
PANTIES FOUND
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