I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
