there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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