I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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