you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
