Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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