final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize