Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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