My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
