So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
