Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
