did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
