She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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