Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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