Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize