Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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