i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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