so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
