hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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