pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
