i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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