nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
