you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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