Can Purell be used as lube?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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