you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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