I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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