I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
