it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
