i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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