We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
