I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
