this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
