He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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