hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
