The maid of honor just puked.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
