He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
