dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize