there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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