Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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