you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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