I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
