I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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