Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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