tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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