Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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