We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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