your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
