I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
