Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
