somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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