I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
