Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
