At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
