you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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