That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
