Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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