I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
