At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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