sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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