I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
